I doubt I have clinical depression but believe me I do get depressed.
This past Mother’s Day was a tearing of events as far as my commitment to my mother’s wish to have her ashes distributed into the surf of Revere Beach and having my daughter’s boyfriend letting me know how they felt I was an asshole, all of which was fed from and related to alcohol.
Today is Wednesday and it was not a terrible physical journey to get to this keyboard as much as it was a mental hurdle.
Most of my getting here is mental.
I think about how hard it is to get here and as you can see almost never arrive.
When my mother couldn’t get somewhere it was because her oxygen level was low.
When I have a tough day it is because they did not put a scheduled movie on Comcast then they tell me it will take 48 hours to put it there but if I spoke Spanish I could see it now, I have it at my command for 2 days but my Spanish sucks for this mistake of not seeing beyond the title.
The last time I was on here they took my mother into the hospital as I tried to make my first dollar online in a contest they had at NAMS3.
I was in Atlanta helping to pay the rent for NAMS 3 after driving 1100 miles.
I had a nights rest but had a sucky attitude for this event.
Then on Saturday after a day of listening to stuff I already knew I learned my mother went into the hospital and looking down from the phone noticed my ipod was stolen.
My stolen ipod took my mind off of my mother’s visit to the hospital. She was just there at Thanksgiving and was leg pressing 225 Lbs. just 2 weeks prior to this phone call.
Not knowing how serious her visit was at this time I rested a day before heading to the hospital after my long drive.
When I saw my mother I knew the end of her road was in sight.
I stayed by her side for 14 days.
More days than I visited her in the past Five years.
She was gone on February 17, 2010.